It seems that now days everyone wants a piece of me, but it is not me that they want, rather what I am offering. When I offer something I offer it willingly but then its assumed that I must just do whatever on their terms despite me having so little personal time as it is. I work hard all the time to ensure that the company I work for does not go under but I have also realized that I could be doing these things on my own and making a shitload more money. But I will stay where I am for now as this is where I meant to be. If the universe sends me a sign that this needs to change, it will, in a heartbeat.
I need some downtime. Time to just disconnected from the world, time to just recover my soul and my health. I feel this is not going to happen for the foreseeable future on my current path so I need to find a way to change all of this. To change my life, to make my life my own and not someone else’s. Right now I belong to my boss and am a very well earning asset to him but I am starting to feel like that is all I am, an asset. A way to make more money while there are members of staff, in more senior positions that could very well be replaced with a secretary and we would probably be more efficient. If he does not realize this soon enough, then I will have no choice but to move on. After all there is nothing that irritates me more than poor leadership.
As for what the future holds, I have seen what I am capable of. I am capable of so much if I am given the chance. Every single human is capable of so much, they just need to find their way. Yes mistakes have cost me and cost others around me and will most likely continue to cost me and others but its time I find my own way in life. My own path, my own life.
Step one is that I start making plans to move out. To find a new home, somewhere where I can be happy and comfortable with my family. Somewhere to start over. I need this more than anyone realizes.